It enlightened me. Like giving me a tight tight slap, hoping that i can wake up.

i seriously don't know what do i want. I know it sounds so pathetic and ridiculous, everything just lost control. After that long period, i thought i knew what kind of relationship i would be comfortable with. i thought i've sorted it out and had my stand clearly. but why, why after those 'i thought' i become confused. i even reversed and ate all my words. what do i really want? i feel lyk crying whenever i got nothing to answer myself.

somebody said:" maybe u won't believe this, but it's all karma..."

i believed. and i feel scared. what i received were all the same things that i did. even words that i said. like a tape that is rewinding, just that the characters in the story are swapped.
"u owe something, u need to clear the debt. it's a cycle, and u deserve it. "

i don't have the courage to let go. and i don't have the confidence to fall in love again. it's a dilemma situation. i don't want to become that kind of story teller who recycle the same story, until everybody gets sick of it.

Enough.
please stop and wake up.

i hope i can find the way, that i know i have been looking for a long time,
i hope my heart can hear me and teach me how.


i love my sisters. Thank god for sending u all to me as gifts.
u know who u are ;)

i read it four times, it's meaningful :) and u make me cry lol